![]() "It sounds like you don’t know where you want to start." In this context, the label, or mislabel, is meant to be an opening line or something used within the first sequence of the negotiation. When phrasing this particular skill, you want to say a lot more than what you expressed with just the words. ![]() What and How questions define the boundary we want to stay within, but things like: "What do you think?" or "How are you doing?" don’t help anyone. Where and when questions have one-word answers and sometimes simply can’t be answered by the other side when their own agenda is blocking the ability to problem solve. Why questions are a great tool but can create a minefield of tension. For example, "Why wouldn’t you want to do X?" "Where do you see this fitting?" or even "When will you be making the decision?" are all improperly phrased. It is easy to unintentionally use a question to pressure the other side or forcefully get them to explain themselves. Correctly phrased calibrated questions and labels are the two skills you need to rely on to accomplish this goal. Which is why “bringing them back to earth” is a bridge that needs to be crossed before you can make real progress. What we fail to consider at times is that when people have things swimming around in their head, they physically don't have the ability to listen carefully. How do you know what they think if you haven’t asked and where does it leave you if they can’t process your information? The answer may closely coincide with why they never agree right away, disregard your solutions altogether, or have silly questions to issues you have already explained. This leaves them in a place where they are distracted and half listening. The real issue with coming to the table and presenting potential solutions you have thoughtfully considered is your counterpart hasn't thought it through, and there are questions in their mind unanswered by your presentation. Often times, we come to the table prepared to push agreement to our solution. Facilitate an interaction where they are considering things they feel the need to collaborate with you on directly, have to check with their team on, or both. As a negotiator, your task is to with presenting moments for the other side to do some contemplating. Second, buy-in is paramount to great execution. First, we know that human nature tells us people feel in control when they are doing the talking. Turning your counterpart into the solver of problems is essential to making this happen for 2 reasons. We all know at this point, as quoted in Never Split the Difference, the key to negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control.
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